Figured I would write an actual blog since everyone in the house is sleeping! Yay for me! lol Aloneee time!
Anyways, What's been going on in my life.. Hmm let's see..
At this point in my life I honestly do not know where my marriage stands, Or where it is going. Which to most is shocking because I always have nothing but good things to say about it, But why would I honestly admit to the world that it's very cracked? It hurts me to say this, much less thing about it and know it. I waited a long time to find a man like my husband. Only thing is, is that the people you fall in love with are sometimes not who you THOUGHT they was when you fell in love. You fell in love with the person they was trying so hard to be and when the real person comes out it's like "Hey, I don't know you! Where is that fun,loving, guy or girl"
Or maybe their is SOME people out there that actually fall in love and stay in love forever.. And maybe this is just a phase in my marriage and it will all get better, But right now I honestly do not know. One day I am ready to just leave for no apparent reason and the next I can't live without him. And even on the days I am ready to leave I still feel this horrible void and guilt for even letting it cross my mind. I can't beleive I am even writing this and chancing someone I know even reading this and knowing the truth! But I guess everything comes out at some point doesn't it??
Lately I feel like I LOVE my husband but I am not
"in love" anymore. I mean before we got married it was all fun. We did so many things together and made so much time for one another. We never fought, we never cursed each other or raised a voice at one another.. We never got on to each others children and now it's all gone..
Now all we do is fight. We fight over money,stress,kids,ex's,computer,games,drinking, EVERYTHING!!!
And it's making me miserable and it's making him miserable and neither of us is making the step to change. Or when one of us tries, the other is already done and gives up..
I am 22 and I feel like I am in my 40's.. My daily life consist of cleaning and children and cooking and sleeping and back up in the morning to the same.. I find myself just waiting for the every once in a while out to eat evening we have just so I can do something out of the ordinary.
Maybe this has to do with my marrying someone much older than me?
We have grown apart and have became to totally different people. We haven nothing in common and we do not think alike at all. We are both head strong so their is no talking to either of us.. So nothing ever gets resolved it always gets pushed aside and buried inside and it just builds up.
It's not fair to neither of us and it's definitely not fair to our children to live like this.. But it also is not fair to split them apart neither. I am at a loss in my life. I do not know WHAT road to take. I do know I love my husband dearly. If only we could come close to being what we used to be, I know it would work. I really do not want to see myself anywhere else. But what do you do when it get's to this point?? Who knows!
Anyways, What's been going on in my life.. Hmm let's see..
At this point in my life I honestly do not know where my marriage stands, Or where it is going. Which to most is shocking because I always have nothing but good things to say about it, But why would I honestly admit to the world that it's very cracked? It hurts me to say this, much less thing about it and know it. I waited a long time to find a man like my husband. Only thing is, is that the people you fall in love with are sometimes not who you THOUGHT they was when you fell in love. You fell in love with the person they was trying so hard to be and when the real person comes out it's like "Hey, I don't know you! Where is that fun,loving, guy or girl"
Or maybe their is SOME people out there that actually fall in love and stay in love forever.. And maybe this is just a phase in my marriage and it will all get better, But right now I honestly do not know. One day I am ready to just leave for no apparent reason and the next I can't live without him. And even on the days I am ready to leave I still feel this horrible void and guilt for even letting it cross my mind. I can't beleive I am even writing this and chancing someone I know even reading this and knowing the truth! But I guess everything comes out at some point doesn't it??
Lately I feel like I LOVE my husband but I am not
"in love" anymore. I mean before we got married it was all fun. We did so many things together and made so much time for one another. We never fought, we never cursed each other or raised a voice at one another.. We never got on to each others children and now it's all gone..
Now all we do is fight. We fight over money,stress,kids,ex's,computer,games,drinking, EVERYTHING!!!
And it's making me miserable and it's making him miserable and neither of us is making the step to change. Or when one of us tries, the other is already done and gives up..
I am 22 and I feel like I am in my 40's.. My daily life consist of cleaning and children and cooking and sleeping and back up in the morning to the same.. I find myself just waiting for the every once in a while out to eat evening we have just so I can do something out of the ordinary.
Maybe this has to do with my marrying someone much older than me?
We have grown apart and have became to totally different people. We haven nothing in common and we do not think alike at all. We are both head strong so their is no talking to either of us.. So nothing ever gets resolved it always gets pushed aside and buried inside and it just builds up.
It's not fair to neither of us and it's definitely not fair to our children to live like this.. But it also is not fair to split them apart neither. I am at a loss in my life. I do not know WHAT road to take. I do know I love my husband dearly. If only we could come close to being what we used to be, I know it would work. I really do not want to see myself anywhere else. But what do you do when it get's to this point?? Who knows!
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