Today was Shayleigh's first ballet/Tap class.
How did she like it? She LOVED it! I was sooo proud of her.. She is so not like me in the whole social area.. I was always really shy and did not want to try new things but she is VERY outgoing and just ready for anything.... I mean there was a few children who where shy today and she was just out there doing all the moves and chit chatting the girls up! And that is how I want her to be.. I want her to be outgoing and not afraid to try new things and meet people.. I always had such a hard time at opening up. So it's nice to see it in her.

As far as my last blog about my marriage, I think things will be on the brighter side soon. We had a very long and good hear to heart last night and we are going to designate a time to do fun things. Things with just us, And family things. Getting out of the house and we are going to start to go to church again because I am a firm believer in how a marriage can not work without God in it. And, because we both went to church as children and are believers and want our children to grow up knowing the word of God. I love my husband VERY much and he is a good man and an even better father, I will do whatever in this world it takes to get back to where we where. Stupid was I to think the grass may be greener somewhere else!

This weekend we have Victoria and I am so excited because I have missed her sooooo much! Here is some pictures from Ballet/Tap and just the kids!

Figured I would write an actual blog since everyone in the house is sleeping! Yay for me! lol Aloneee time!

Anyways, What's been going on in my life.. Hmm let's see..

At this point in my life I honestly do not know where my marriage stands, Or where it is going. Which to most is shocking because I always have nothing but good things to say about it, But why would I honestly admit to the world that it's very cracked? It hurts me to say this, much less thing about it and know it. I waited a long time to find a man like my husband. Only thing is, is that the people you fall in love with are sometimes not who you THOUGHT they was when you fell in love. You fell in love with the person they was trying so hard to be and when the real person comes out it's like "Hey, I don't know you! Where is that fun,loving, guy or girl"
Or maybe their is SOME people out there that actually fall in love and stay in love forever.. And maybe this is just a phase in my marriage and it will all get better, But right now I honestly do not know. One day I am ready to just leave for no apparent reason and the next I can't live without him. And even on the days I am ready to leave I still feel this horrible void and guilt for even letting it cross my mind. I can't beleive I am even writing this and chancing someone I know even reading this and knowing the truth! But I guess everything comes out at some point doesn't it??
Lately I feel like I LOVE my husband but I am not
"in love" anymore. I mean before we got married it was all fun. We did so many things together and made so much time for one another. We never fought, we never cursed each other or raised a voice at one another.. We never got on to each others children and now it's all gone..
Now all we do is fight. We fight over money,stress,kids,ex's,computer,games,drinking, EVERYTHING!!!
And it's making me miserable and it's making him miserable and neither of us is making the step to change. Or when one of us tries, the other is already done and gives up..
I am 22 and I feel like I am in my 40's.. My daily life consist of cleaning and children and cooking and sleeping and back up in the morning to the same.. I find myself just waiting for the every once in a while out to eat evening we have just so I can do something out of the ordinary.
Maybe this has to do with my marrying someone much older than me?
We have grown apart and have became to totally different people. We haven nothing in common and we do not think alike at all. We are both head strong so their is no talking to either of us.. So nothing ever gets resolved it always gets pushed aside and buried inside and it just builds up.
It's not fair to neither of us and it's definitely not fair to our children to live like this.. But it also is not fair to split them apart neither. I am at a loss in my life. I do not know WHAT road to take. I do know I love my husband dearly. If only we could come close to being what we used to be, I know it would work. I really do not want to see myself anywhere else. But what do you do when it get's to this point?? Who knows!

Well, yesterday was Shayleigh's first day of pre k.. As soon as she got in the car after school I asked her how her day was and she said in a very upbeat voice "It was GREAT!" She told me she got along with all the kids and had lots of fun and played and learned songs. She told me one little boy was bad though and was acting like a baby but he was not a baby! lol

Well, Tomorrow is Shayleigh's first day of pre k and she is totally excited. I on the other hand am just a big ball of emotions.. So happy but at the same time so emotional about it!

Today was a crazy day! Went to the beach and the a freaking HUGE wave ruined my new camera and my phone got swept away! Grrr.. Thankfully I have a new one ordered and I borrowed a camera for Shayleigh's first day of pre k and her first ballet/tap class on Saturday!

Yesterday I went and registered Shayleigh for her Ballet/Tap classes. We did not register her at the one I had planned on, due to the fact I think she may have closed down. It was the same Ballet school that my oldest step daughter Jade attended when she was Shayleigh's age, But instead we enrolled her at Misty's School of dance who I have heard good things about. It was a real simple little place which I liked. The teacher seem's a little strict but we will see.. lol She told us that she is going to be actually TEACHING the children to dance. Not just goofing off all the time. So I am looking forward to see what Shayleigh will be learning as I will not be allowed to go in the classroom with her but she does have a camera set up in the room that we can watch them on the tv through, so that makes me feel a little better.
Tommorow we go for the practice run at Shayleigh's pre k. I am really excited to see how she acts and to meet her teachers again. My mother and father will be going as well because you all know how nannie and paw paw's are, gotta check them out and make sure everything is AOK! lol
Shayleigh is totally stoked about school and has been talking about it ever since we went to enroll her months ago. School starts Aug 16th and Ballet and Tap starts Aug 21st so that week and weekend will be a busy one for her.
I am so excited to watch her mature and see her accomplish all of these new milestones but at the same time it is heart wrenching because she is no longer a baby. I mean she will ALWAYS be my baby. Even when she is 30 years old, she will still be my babygirl,but she's not.. I am not ready for any of my children to get out into the big ole world and learn what real life is really about. I want them to stay young and oblivious for ever!

Mason is such a funny child. He act's so different than any of the girls. He is a joker and loves to make us all laugh. At one he is VERY smart. He is saying a few words. He can say "Da Da" for Daddy. He say's "Hot" and waves his hand when he does it. He can say "Yea" lol He can blow kisses,Wave Bye bye, when I ask him if something tastes good he goes "Yea" and shakes his head yea! lol And he has now learned the famous PAW PAW look! My husbands father is always giving the kids this funny "angry paw paw" look when he means business and now Mason has learned it like all the rest have along the years and is doing it to us any time we make him mad. One day he pointed at Shayleigh and goes 'NO,NO,NO,NO,NO!" lol He has not done it to much after that though. He keep's our family laughing, their is never a dull moment with him!

The girls are doing great. It's Amazing the bond Jade and I have created. When my husband and I first met and first got married, I felt a little distant with my oldest step daughters. I mean they treated me good, as well as I with them, But we just didn't seem to have a bond like Victoria and I. They never really kissed me, hugged me, confided in me. But over the past 4 months we have all been pulling together and now we have a wonderful bond. Jade is into alot of things I was surprised with.. She is into girls things and starting to mature. She comes to me for things she is to scared to tell or ask anyone else. She confides in me her feelings and things that are bothering her at home and just anything. She is constantly hugging me and kissing me and telling me she loves me now.. Same with Autumn.. Makes me happy to know I am someone in their life that means alot to them.. Not just a woman with their father, ya know?

Victoria is getting so big and so Beautiful! I love her little blond hair! She is always making me laugh by the funny stories she tell's me. But sometimes she say's things that I worry about.. Things that I think she is to little to know about and wonder where she is getting it from because it is DEFIANTLY not from my household.
But she is getting better at learning what to not say, But it's kinda hard to teach a three year old these things when they are learning them and thinking they are okay from other people.

Robbie and I are doing greater than ever. We have been spending more time together and less time doing other things. Before we pretty much just lived our separate lives. He worked, I stayed home with kids.. When he got home he did his thing, I did mine.. But we are now doing more things together.

We are planning a trip to the beach with the girls this weekend. Heard it's supposed to be stormy though so we will see.

I have really been itching to learn to sew! I can sew a little but I want to learn how to make little outfits and dresses and stuff! Really wanting to get back into my bow making and diaper cake making, And I really need to get back into my scrapbooking. I have bought soo many digital kits and haven't even used them!

Well, I am all blogged out for now! I will be posting pictures soon of the kids and stuff.